Archive for The Beginning

#justcanadaday

Shhhhh Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a thick manila envelope landing with a thud in my mailbox, it’s contents will announce that I am legally single.

The last time I was single social media didn’t exist…let that sink in for a minute, I’ll wait.

This is a good thing, I mean I have my own hashtag now and I hear those are hard to get. All told we made it through the process with only a mild sense of absolute failure. The kids seem to be doing okay (Sasha is having an impossibly hard time adjusting to kindergarten but that is a whole other post). I took a tongue-in-cheek approach for the most part with a sprinkle of Xanax and a large vat of Jameson.

This hike came with many new titles: single mom, co-parent, ex-wife, respondent. Let’s just say I’m glad I never purchased one of those sweatsuits with the word “wifey” or “Mrs.” on the ass, saved me sometime when I was cleaning out my closet. Speaking of closets we have relocated to beautiful overcast Portland!

To be fair when I first began meeting with attorneys they warned me that divorcing would be financial suicide and I totes believed them, as with most things the perceived reality and the actual happenings were two different beasts, I feel like there is an animal kingdom joke somewhere in there.  The postwar abode is about 2000 square feet smaller than the prewar McMansion, it feels decadent in a whole different way.

I have many more rambling thoughts about this last year, there was so much I wanted to write but common sense (Hi Stefanie!!) told me to wait until matters were settled. I’m trying to find a balance between sharing these things and respecting everyone involved, including my tiny humans who will someday find this site…this is a start and it’s all up from here.

On a final note, I have been asked about my awesome hashtag, we were married on Canada Day in Banff (and no we are not Canadian) in 2004.  It’s just Canada day now but feel free to still send me cards and buy me gifts.

 

Why Dirty Duchess?

Welcome to this space, it’s shiny and new, please take off your shoes (unless they make your outfit) and kick back, grab a drink, and bring a friend. I have been asked incessantly since I started the process of designing this site what it would be about.

I wish I knew.

Dirty Duchess is a small carry over from my first and anonymous blog, The Duchess, which was about my struggle with being a new wife, moving to a small town and my journey with loss and infertility. I can promise you there will be 98% less vagina stories on this site. Dirty Duchess is about real life, I didn’t get the fairytale ending but I do have a shot a pretty fantastic second act. Still if you would have told me in 2004 that in the end of 2013 I would be getting divorced, raising two daughters, working as a barista and still struggling to find my direction, I would have laughed at you…and poured a drink… and freaked out.

Life is dirty, but there are amazing things wrapped in the chaos of this path I’m on. Some days I have a hard time seeing all the beauty and joy that surround me but for the most part I’m learning to refocus on what is really important.

I want to have a life not just a lifestyle.

I want to live in the now and appreciate what I do have. I want to enjoy every single day of good health that I am given. I want to push myself to be my best, even if that means needing a day to be inconsolable.

I want to see my children not only grow but thrive and have excitement for the amazing world we live in. If I have learned nothing else in the last three months it’s that there is extraordinary kindness in this world and it can be found in the most unexpected places.

I want to let go of control and embrace vulnerability, things that are so easy to say and so very hard to do.

I had hoped this would  This will be a space to talk about all the things I enjoy; food, fashion, sex, good books, great writers, amazing people and stories from my own life.

I hope you will join me…