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Sunday, December 15th, 2013   Feelings, Tiny Humans

It’s been one year and one day.

I would like to be able to say I am a better person than last year.

I would like to say I am more patient than last year.

I would like to say that I yell less at my children than last year.

I would like to say that I try to look past the outside of people to see what is really going on within.

I would like to say that my children are safer than last year.

I would like to say that I can’t still see, in vivid detail, the look of fear, pain, and grief on my friend’s face.

I would like to say I have become better at making popcorn and pancakes.

I would like to say I don’t think about it most days when I drop the girls in their shared classroom.

The truth is I still yell and burn popcorn and think about it all the time. I can still remember the sounds, and boxes of letters, and massive amounts of pain and love all coming together to form this strange tsunami of fear and affection.

I spent yesterday with old friends and new, texting with the lady who has a piece of my heart, a lady I will drop anything to be next to if she needs it… I have no doubt she would do the same, she would show up with a shovel, no conversation and no questions asked.

Speaking of conversations, there are ones that our country gave up on, conversations that still need to be had. I don’t care if you are pro this or anti that. Noah and the other twenty-five people who passed on that horrific day deserve to have these conversations continued. I don’t give a shit if you think they are hard or uncomfortable, try on the alternative for five minutes and you’ll never shut-up again. Trust me.

I’m pro-tiny-humans-going-to-school-and-coming-home-safely.

I’m pro-never-seeing-another-family-that-I-love-bury-their-tiny-person-because-he-went-to-school.

I’m pro-honest-love, because if you can’t be honest with love what can you be?

I’m pro-conversation, all conversations, even the yucky, vulnerable, scary kind.

I may not have accomplished all of those things above but the one thing I can say is that I love brighter and bigger and more loudly than I did 366 days ago.

 

Comments

  1. Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.
    -Benjamin Franklin 

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